Wednesday, January 25, 2012

Journal Tip #20: Lucky You

Because of copyright laws, etc., I don't want to post the quotes and actual journal tips in my blog. Instead, you can find 100+ free journaling tips from Mari here, and you can buy the same journal I am using here.


Another seven days of journaling in a row, another new blog entry. So, tonight's journal tip is about giving thanks for myself and for my gifts. I've decided I'm going to list seven since I could probably go on forever. I don't know if there will be any giving thanks for me since I don't really care for myself. That will probably come up in another blog entry. Anyway, so here's the list:


  • Adelie: This is my daughter, who has just turned two. She's adorable, feisty, bright, happy, and lovable. She has that cute, little cherub face, and I love her very much. I think sometimes I don't show that love very well though. I'm trying to work on it, but considering I wasn't planning to have a child until much later in life, I think I feel a pull to being my own person more than I do toward being a full-time Mom. Sometimes that makes me sad, but I'm still grateful for this little gift of mine.

  • Edgar: My loving husband who, at times, drives the hell out of me and makes me want to toss him to the curb. But look at that cute face! Besides, he's sweet and cute most of the time. If a bit helpless and crazy. But how I love him...
  • My family: I don't have a recent picture of all of us so there's no photo this time. But I love them all to death! My sister, my mother, my father, and even my in-laws! I even love all of my cousins, aunts, uncles, great-aunts, great-uncles, grandparents, great-grandparents, and all those other extended relatives! Trust me, I have a lot of them in Illinois, El Salvador, spread all over California, and I think even some in Italy. But you know what? I'm grateful for all of them because I bet if there had been a break in the chain somewhere leading down the line to me, I might not have even existed!
  • My friends: I don't have very many. I have one that I see in-person, Naomi. We have play dates now and then because her daughter is 3, and her son is 4. She works, I go to school, so we try to squeeze it in when we can. My other friends are online: Alicia, Daan, Jennifer, and Cat. Alicia lives in Wyoming (see her blog here even if she hasn't updated in FOREVER), but we talk online almost every day. Ask my husband. Daan lives in the Netherlands, and I haven't spoken to him in weeks because he's having MSN Messenger issues. Jennifer and Cat are friends I've known even before Alicia, but we rarely talk now. They're both starting as first year's in college so they're pretty busy nowadays. Old timers like Alicia and I know how to work the system so we don't work as hard (and yet still get good grades!).
  • My journal: Without this wonderful thing that I write in, I would have no one with which to spill secrets that I feel I can't even impart upon my husband. My mother would think something like that is crazy, but you know what? I think it's good to have some things that you keep to yourself, and they're not big things. They're just little things like how he makes me feel some days and things like that. My journal is my therapy, the one thing that helps me counsel myself in my marriage. But I'm okay with that. After all, isn't that what this whole blog is about?
  • My Facebook buddies: These are in a separate group from friends because I met some of them when I joined Facebook. Some of my favorite Facebook buddies are part of a group called "Create Write Now." If you love to journal and sometimes suffer from bouts where you don't journal for months, check out this group. The people there are just amazing. Also, if you've always thought about journaling but are afraid or don't know how to start, this is a great place to help you get started. My advice? Just get that pen out, and show that paper who's boss! But that doesn't always work for everyone.
  • My writing ability: I love to write. Absolutely love it. When I was younger, I would do something called the Young Writer's Contest. We would compete with our classmates, our peers (other classes in our grade), and with other schools in our area. I believe each grade sent two winners, and they were then sent to compete against the other schools. In kindergarten, second, and third grade, I won first place out of all my classmates and peers. My book was sent out to compete against the other schools, but I honestly couldn't tell you if there was any winning or losing from there. Come on, I was 8 the last time I competed. But yeah, I love to write, and my hope is to become a published author this June. I even blog about it.
So, there you have it. There's my list. What seven things are you grateful for?

Tuesday, January 17, 2012

Journal Tip #41: Awakenings

Because of copyright laws, etc., I don't want to post the quotes and actual journal tips in my blog. Instead, you can find 100+ free journaling tips from Mari here, and you can buy the same journal I am using here.

There are many things I could say regarding expectations, beliefs, and how they have effected who I am and who I might have become in comparison to who I have become. For one thing, I was raised a Christian. I would like to say that at one point I was that average conservative Christian girl who decided sex was going to be after marriage, babies would be after marriage, etc., etc. It was what my parents expected of me, and it was something I actually expected of myself for a long time. Then I went to college. I did not go to college at the average age of 18. In fact, I started going to college at 16 because I was so smart, my mother--who began to home school me in high school--could not keep up with me and my equally-brilliant sister. She sent us off to the local community college where we just blossomed.

I graduated in 2007 (18 years old) with my Associate's Degree. I "graduated" high school in 2006. (I say "graduated" because I didn't receive my diploma for another year or so.) I moved on to my Bachelor's Degree soon after my Associate's. It began with The Master's College, which is a very conservative Christian college. This is perhaps the first spot I could pinpoint the discovery that I was no longer that conservative Christian girl. Sure, I still had the same idea of sex after marriage, etc., but I was open to other possibilities too. I didn't last very long at this college two hours away from my home. I moved on to California State University of San Bernardino.

My grades began failing from the start. The failing increased when I met my first and only boyfriend in November of 2008. By May of 2009, we were expecting our first baby. Yes, I am completely serious. My parents had higher expectations for me--college first, marriage, baby, etc. Obviously, I had a different, stupider idea in mind. However, I will say this: if I had followed my parents' expectations, would I have fallen for this dorky, gamer boy that I am now married to? Would I have this adorable daughter that everyone falls in love with at first sight? There's no way to know. So, by June of 2009, it was obvious that I would not be returning to CSUSB. I returned to VVC for a time before transferring to University of La Verne in 2010.

No one in my family knew much about University of La Verne. We know no one that has graduated from there, and we were completely unaware that a regional campus was sitting not too far from my home. I applied with the hope that I could quickly finish my teaching degree to give myself, my husband, and my darling daughter a better life. My parents frown upon my idea of being the working mother while my husband stays at home to clean house and care for our daughter. They're terrified of this plan and continually try to talk me out of it. I have stopped talking to them about it altogether out of angry annoyance. I have 3 reasons for really liking my plan: 1) I AM NOT A HOUSE MOM. I HATE CLEANING. 2) Who's better prepared to get a job and make the most money so we can get back on our feet faster? ME. 3) I HATE WELFARE.

So, even though University of La Verne is more expensive, it's likely that I will be graduating from this college in December with my Bachelor's degree. I have an idea to return to CSUSB to do my credentialing, but I am planning to discuss this with a transfer counselor first because I am also thinking about returning to CSUSB for my Bachelor's Degree. My parents and I both like this idea because 1) my mom graduated from CSUSB, 2) it's cheaper meaning more financial aid coming to me to help me pay off the ten billion* credit cards I have (* exaggerated number), and 3) my sister just recently graduated from there in December of 2011 with a psychology degree. However, I do have some cons to this plan to transfer: the classroom size is larger, I take classes with the same students in every class meaning a deeper relationship with my classmates, and my school is only 7 miles away instead of 40.

I'm starting to wonder if I'm letting go of everything that isn't me or just explaining who I am. Because I've already started to let go of everything that isn't me. I'm NOT the conservative Christian girl. I'm NOT the usual house mom. I DIDN'T marry the guy my parents instantly approved of. I DID do things backward. I DO have a weird idea in mind for my future that my parents don't approve of. And I DON'T want to listen to every damn piece of advice my parents have in mind for me.

I can see why I was so drawn to blogging this instead of journaling it. If this were my diary, half of this wouldn't have been written out because my hand would've cramped halfway through this. I am looking forward to continuing this journey. Not even this entry has been fully explored, but I'm afraid at 1:40 am, I must insist that I go to bed.

Introduction to the Blog

First of all, let me say that these journaling tips will not go in order. As Mari states in the introduction to this journal she has created, "My favorite way is to close my eyes and flip through the pages and open to the exact Journaling Tips page that I was supposed to land on!" Well, you know what? That's my favorite way too. So, let me explain how this blog came to be.

Tonight, I was writing my ninth daily journal entry. I had promised myself that if I wrote in my diary for 7 days straight, I would use one of Mari's 85 journaling tips to help boost my journaling. Well, I kind of missed the 7th day mark by two days (I wrote very sparse journal entries those days), but I'm ready to use a journaling tip now! As I was writing about this in my diary, I was struck by the sudden desire to share my responses to these journal entries with the journaling community. As those who know me are well aware--I love to blog. I have had several in my time, and I believe this is the third or fourth that I have started this year alone. Considering we haven't even finished January yet, I would say even I'm surprised with just how much I've been wanting to blog.

Yet, each blog I've started has a specific theme. For example, I have a blog regarding my story-writing as I attempt to trek my way to becoming a published author in June. That's right, June. Check that blog out here if you're interested in supporting me on my journey. Another blog I have is similar to a diary. I have a feeling that I will be deleting that one soon as it is quite personal. This one is also, but it's personal in a different manner.
Anyway, I just wanted to give a quick informational notice to this blog before I begin my journal through Mari's journal that she so kindly sent me. Thanks for stopping by, and I hope you will do so often as I travel through these journal tips once a week.