Journal Tip #17

Because of copyright laws, etc., I don't want to post the quotes and actual journal tips in my blog. Instead, you can find 100+ free journaling tips from Mari here, and you can buy the same journal I am using here.

---

"In every life, a little rain must fall."

-magazine ad

Recently, there were some issues in my marriage, and let me tell you--a little rain doesn't even begin to cover what happened to me, my life, and my husband. I won't get into too many personal details because I prefer not to have every aspect of my private life on the internet, but I will say this: after 23 months of marriage, my husband and I nearly split up.

Yes, it was that serious of an issue, and you're probably wondering, "Well, if it was that serious, why did you stay?" There are several reasons for such a decision. My parents went through a similar issue in their marriage. Twice. The first time was my dad, and the second time was my mom. Another reason I chose to stay waas because of my husband's grandmother and mother. His grandmother also went through such an issue, but hers crossed family lines because it dealt with her husband (not related to my husband except by marriage) and her daughter-in-law. At the time, I personally felt that would've been enough for me to say goodbye.

My mother-in-law also played a part in this because my husband tells her mostly everything, including recent discussions with me regarding taking a break in our marriage. After all, we met young, have only ever had sex with each other, and had a child young. His childhood is basically over, and he's three years younger than me. His mother and other family members held an intervention suggesting that he stay with me. When he told me they were doing that, I was truly touched.

In regards to the issue that occurred, allow me to clarify just a couple of things:

1. There was no sex involved. Considering the woman who started the issues lives in Wisconsin or some other place far from California, that would've been impossible.
2. He was warned at the beginning of our marriage that even contacting said woman would be considered cheating because of his strong feelings for her.
3. This is the sixth time we've had an issue with the same woman, a woman my husband has never met in person yet frequently flocks back to whenever there are problems with me.
4. A few days after we were married, I contacted this woman and asked her to stop contacting my husband. She tried to fight it but eventually went away. I thought everything would be fine after that.

Yes, those are all the details I will give on the matter.

Now, back to the quote from the beginning of this blog post. Basically, what I understood from the quote is this: Shit happens, and we can either flee from it, or we can take a deep breath, hold that breath, and clean up that shit. (I suggest rubber gloves, a gas mask, and perhaps some bleach.) So, yeah, I was recently struck by a thunderstorm in life, but it wasn't a tsunami. I made it through beaten up and a little scarred, but I'm making my way again.

This blog post was first written in my journal as a rough draft

Recent Problems

Lately, I took a very long, very stressful break from journaling by hand. I tried digital journaling because I could access it both on my phone and on my computer. This was okay, and it's great for some things like recording what my daughter does as she grows and things like that. I even have a digital journal to record all of the issues I have in my marriage. However, I miss daily journaling. I miss the feeling of paper under my fingertips and a pen in my hand.

So, I've returned to hand journaling, and I even draw in my journal now. It helps me to take a break, do a little doodle related to whatever I'm talking about, and add some color into the entry. So, this is why I haven't posted on this blog in a while. I will attempt to get back to it, but currently the journal these 85 tips are in has temporarily been misplaced. Once I'm back at home, I will have the chance to look for it.

Oh, and here's a link that helps support my idea that journal therapy helps me more than therapy therapy.

Journal Tip #29

Because of copyright laws, etc., I don't want to post the quotes and actual journal tips in my blog. Instead, you can find 100+ free journaling tips from Mari here, and you can buy the same journal I am using here.

---

"When you think you are done writing, keep going. This is where you will discover what you are looking for. The pearls are beyond what is visible to us. Shoot for the unknown. Feel fragile & be brave."

-Nan (@Inspiredjournal) 

Hmm, this one's a bit difficult to write for a blog considering if I write pages on my blog, my readers will probably get bored and stop reading. So, how about I just write about times when I've felt like I'm done writing and then kept going?

Recently, I've joined one of Mari's challenges. For 27 days, we read her book Peace of Mind and Body: 27 Days of Journaling to Health and Happiness. There's one prompt in the book for each of 27 days. Today, we're on day 5. You can buy the spiral-bound book at the link above, or you can buy the Kindle eBook like I did. If you don't have a Kindle, that's okay. You can download the free app for your computer, smartphone, or tablet. Or you can buy a Kindle. I have one, and it's amazing! Anyway, so for each of the prompts, I've come across a moment where I think I'm done writing. I put down my pen, prepare to close my journal, and then I realize there's one more thought lurking inside my head. And suddenly I write pages more! Just yesterday, I wrote three pages regarding this challenge's prompt only! Which brings me to my next challenge...

Not only have I been working with this 27-day challenge, but I have also finished and begun another challenge: 30 Days of Morning Pages. The concept of this challenge is actually based off a book that I am also reading while doing all the rest of this awesome journaling stuff. Julia Cameron, author of The Artist's Way, The Prosperous Heart, and Walking in this World has several tools that she gives to artists to help them rebuild their creativity. I am currently reading Walking in this World, and one of the tools that's in all three of those books is known as Morning Pages. What are Morning Pages? Let's just have Julia Cameron explain that one:

Three pages of stream-of-consciousness writing done before the day "begins," Morning Pages serve to prioritize, clarify, and ground the day's activities. Frequently fragmented, petty, even whining, Morning Pages were once called "brain drain" because they so clearly siphoned off negativity. Anything and everything is fuel for Morning Pages. They hold worries about a lover's tone of voice, the car's peculiar knocking, the source of this month's rent money. They hold reservations about a friendship, speculation about a job possibility, a reminder to buy Kitty Litter. They mention, sometimes repeatedly, overeating, undersleeping, overdrinking, and overthinking, that favorite procrastinator's poison artists are fond of.

In a nutshell, that basically explains the 30-Day challenge too. Basically, what you do is you write 3 Morning Pages, check in on the forum to say hello to everyone and see how everyone's doing, and Mari guides us along the way. Because I'm reading Walking in this World, writing 3 pages every morning is something I will be doing at least for another 8 weeks. This book has twelve weeks of reading, and I'm on Week 4.

So back to the quote. This is what I always try to keep in mind: three pages is the minimum, but you can always write more. Thank you, Nan, for this little gem, and thank you, Mari, for collecting it into your book of 85 journaling tips.

Also, if anyone has the link for @Inspiredjournal, I would love to post it up on this blog entry. Thanks for reading!

Um... Oops!

Recently, my husband and I traveled down to my in-laws to house sit for them while they're away in Mexico. They live about an hour away from our home, and it took some time to pack everything I would need while away--Walking in this World by Julia Cameron, my folder containing many helpful blog entries from Mari's blog (both guest posts and Mari's posts) as well as We Are All Writers, my journal, my computer, etc.--and during this process, it appears that my copy of Mari's Most Musefull Journaling Tips did not end up making the journey. Because of school, I will be returning home on Sunday and so can easily update this blog then instead of today. However, I didn't want to simply leave my readers dangling and wondering why I hadn't updated. So, here's an update!

Yes, I wrote in my journal daily every single day this week. Was it hard to find time? To think of something to write? To just get up and do it before my daughter woke up? Yes, yes, yes.

Time is a precious commodity that I often enjoy wasting on trivial things (like The Sims 3), but I have set out a specific schedule of writing my journal, reading Walking in this World, and working on my novel (as well as my blogs). I have been following this schedule as much as I possibly can, and it's quite a joy to wake up and know that some parts of my life are scheduled, that I can control some of what I do.

Thinking of something to write is a problem I face often enough to be considered an annoying problem but still not quite frequently enough to which I can't ever find something to write. Lately, We Are All Writers and Walking in this World by Julia Cameron has been giving me more than enough to write. My new average for journaling is about 3-4 pages. It used to be a paragraph. So, there are ways to get around this idea that we have nothing to write. Hell, Google "fun quotes" and just pick one that tickles your fantasy.

My daughter enjoys a sporadic wake and sleep schedule. Usually, she sleeps at 10 and can wake anywhere from 6 to 10 (whenever the fancy might strike her). It has become evident to me that my daughter has been leaning more toward an 8am wake-up call, sometimes 9 at the latest. Most days, I get up at 8:30 to journal. This will obviously have to change as her schedule changes too, but she's still asleep at the moment and it's 9:43 as I write this. Granted, she went to bed closer to midnight last night because everyone was hyped up about leaving for Mexico (except, of course, my husband and I who aren't going, and my father-in-law who was sleeping since he was going to have to drive).

Anyway, so that's my update so you all know why there's no journaling tip post. When I get home on Sunday, it will be the first thing I do.

Journal Tip #13: Body and Soul

Because of copyright laws, etc., I don't want to post the quotes and actual journal tips in my blog. Instead, you can find 100+ free journaling tips from Mari here, and you can buy the same journal I am using here.

---

"The soul lies buried in the ink that writes."

-John Clare

The definition of "soul" is different to everyone. For me, the soul is the part of the body that lives on forever. Because I am a Christian, that part of the body will go up to heaven to be with God for eternity. However, I don't think that's the kind of soul this quote is talking about. I think the type of soul in this quote is that essence of "us." The thing that makes us who we are, the thing that we usually hide around everyone else. The soul in this quote is the part of us that we usually hide because "no one will accept me." So, then we just reinvent ourselves over and over.

Before too long, we have buried our soul in all the masks we wear--the school mask, the going to the store mask, the wife mask, the daughter mask, the mother mask. And before too long, that "soul" of ours begins to wonder "Just who exactly am I? Do I enjoy the things my parents have always believed I would enjoy, or do I enjoy the new things that my husband is showing to me?" (That is an exact quote from my own "soul".) This is a problem that I am currently running into. I know part of who I am but not the whole.

I know that I love my daughter and that I want to do better by her. I want to spend more time with her and be there for her. That is a part of my "mother mask" that is also a part of my true "soul." I know that I love my husband and that I want my husband to be more of a husband to me. Currently, he is still sleeping behind me (yes, even at this late hour), and I wish he would wake up earlier with me so we could spend time together. That is a part of my true "soul" that is part of my "wife mask." But there are parts of the mask that aren't really me.

My mother nags me a lot about how to raise my daughter. She insists that letting her sit around in her pjs all day is some form of neglect. Maybe she's right, and maybe she's not. Only CPS can tell me for sure, I suppose. Personally, if my daughter's not sitting in a stinky diaper or dirty clothes, but she's happy and warm and playing, sitting around in pjs is just fine. But part of my mask right now is to do as she says and dress my daughter every morning because I live in her home, and I cannot be my own person in her home. Why? I have no idea.

Another part of the masks that isn't part of my "soul" is my ability to let my husband do whatever he wants. He rarely helps around the house, barely plays with his daughter, spends little time with me, goes to work, comes home, and plays games the rest of the time. This makes my "soul" sad, but my "wife mask" will go on contentedly in life.

Lately, my masks have been cracking. I've been expanding my taste in music to things my mother doesn't recognize. The "daughter mask" is one of my oldest, thickest masks. I can't even imagine what she will think when I do move out and start doing things my own way. Perhaps she will be glad to see that I'm starting to develop a self. Or perhaps she'll think she knows me better still and complain that I'm not being me. At one point, she even stated that my possibility of having Asperger syndrome was simply something that came up because of my pregnancy. Yes, I'm still trying to work that one out myself.

But back to the quote--"buried in the ink that writes." I journal. A lot. Obviously, because that's what this blog is all about. I'm not quite sure what I'm going to do when my 85 journal tips run out, but again, I'm side-tracking myself. Because I spend so much time hidden behind my masks, I journal to free my true "soul." I think if my mother ever read any of my journals, she might feel as if the daughter she's reading about is a completely different person. Well, that's because the outside shell is a different person.

Image borrowed from
Dissertation Writing Guru

Journaling allows us to be free. It lets us take off the masks and be who we want to be. My "soul" is buried deep within pens (at this moment, pens of every color--specifically Paper Mate InkJoy 100 pens), and when I write, I free that ink which carries my soul. Now, I wouldn't say that my soul is literally in the pen. I would simply say that the ink holds the ability to let me free my soul, to write whatever comes to my mind, to give me the strength and the power to rip off each and every one of my masks so that I can be exactly who I want to be.

---

Photos on the internet aren't free just because you Google them. Maybe you don't know who exactly the image is copyrighted by because you took it from a site, but not citing is stealing. So, if you don't know the original copyright, state where you found the image like I did with my little image in this entry. If you use your own images, claim the copyrights so people can know where the pictures came from.

Journal Tip #23: The Homecoming

Because of copyright laws, etc., I don't want to post the quotes and actual journal tips in my blog. Instead, you can find 100+ free journaling tips from Mari here, and you can buy the same journal I am using here. Except this one is just a quote so I will give credit to the writer.

---

I keep my journal in the same comfy spot. I leave it open to a blank page with the pen on top so that when I get home it invites me to curl up with it and write.

Wendy Kipfmiller (Graphic Design Solutions) 

How I would love to have my own comfy spot to leave my journal. Right now, my journal rests in a wire basket along with the rest of my journaling/writing/creative things. I live in my parents' den so having my own cozy space to do anything is a bit of an issue. However, sitting down on the couch or outside in the garden with a nice, hot cup of coffee and one of my favorite pens is perhaps the next best thing. It also helps that I have these new, adorable little "2 things to do" lists. They look more like scrapbooking pages! Still, it helps me to journal, and I love it.

One of my favorite pens right now are Paper Mate's new Ink Joy's. They are the most amazing things I have ever written with. They're ballpoint pens, but the way they write is like a gel pen. I have the 200s, I believe, and they're amazing. My favorite journal to write in is a leather one. Right now, I have this cardboard-type cover one with black and white flowers. It was a lot less expensive than the leather ones, which is why I bought it. I then found the most amazing brown leather journal at Ross for almost 1/3 of the price. So, I bought it. Unfortunately, I'm waiting until I fill up the black and white one.

Journal Tip #2: The Miracle Worker

Because of copyright laws, etc., I don't want to post the quotes and actual journal tips in my blog. Instead, you can find 100+ free journaling tips from Mari here, and you can buy the same journal I am using here. 

"The cure is here, the healing has begun!"

 I honestly LOVE how much better I feel when I journal daily. I love how it helps me through the day and helps me better schedule my life. Do you know what? Unless I journal on a daily basis, the rest of my day is a complete modge podge of CRAP. With daily journaling, I really do feel like I'm going through a healing. Journaling is my cure. Journaling gets me up and gets me started. It helps me clear my mind to understand what I have to do for the day. It's even helped with writing my novel because it pulls all of the distractions out of my brain and puts them onto paper, beautiful journal paper with black flowers.

Writing about how I FEEL about this journaling experience:

I absolutely loved this experience because it was something very true to how I feel about journaling. Journaling helps me with everything--my depression, my family life, schoolwork, my novel, and my love with my husband. In fact, journaling is so important to me that I want to share it with my husband. It's too bad that he's often too busy with games to even listen to me, but such is life.

Journal Tip #20: Lucky You

Because of copyright laws, etc., I don't want to post the quotes and actual journal tips in my blog. Instead, you can find 100+ free journaling tips from Mari here, and you can buy the same journal I am using here.


Another seven days of journaling in a row, another new blog entry. So, tonight's journal tip is about giving thanks for myself and for my gifts. I've decided I'm going to list seven since I could probably go on forever. I don't know if there will be any giving thanks for me since I don't really care for myself. That will probably come up in another blog entry. Anyway, so here's the list:

• Adelie: This is my daughter, who has just turned two. She's adorable, feisty, bright, happy, and lovable. She has that cute, little cherub face, and I love her very much. I think sometimes I don't show that love very well though. I'm trying to work on it, but considering I wasn't planning to have a child until much later in life, I think I feel a pull to being my own person more than I do toward being a full-time Mom. Sometimes that makes me sad, but I'm still grateful for this little gift of mine.

• Edgar: My loving husband who, at times, drives the hell out of me and makes me want to toss him to the curb. But look at that cute face! Besides, he's sweet and cute most of the time. If a bit helpless and crazy. But how I love him...

• My family: I don't have a recent picture of all of us so there's no photo this time. But I love them all to death! My sister, my mother, my father, and even my in-laws! I even love all of my cousins, aunts, uncles, great-aunts, great-uncles, grandparents, great-grandparents, and all those other extended relatives! Trust me, I have a lot of them in Illinois, El Salvador, spread all over California, and I think even some in Italy. But you know what? I'm grateful for all of them because I bet if there had been a break in the chain somewhere leading down the line to me, I might not have even existed!
• My friends: I don't have very many. I have one that I see in-person, Naomi. We have play dates now and then because her daughter is 3, and her son is 4. She works, I go to school, so we try to squeeze it in when we can. My other friends are online: Alicia, Daan, Jennifer, and Cat. Alicia lives in Wyoming (see her blog here even if she hasn't updated in FOREVER), but we talk online almost every day. Ask my husband. Daan lives in the Netherlands, and I haven't spoken to him in weeks because he's having MSN Messenger issues. Jennifer and Cat are friends I've known even before Alicia, but we rarely talk now. They're both starting as first year's in college so they're pretty busy nowadays. Old timers like Alicia and I know how to work the system so we don't work as hard (and yet still get good grades!).
• My journal: Without this wonderful thing that I write in, I would have no one with which to spill secrets that I feel I can't even impart upon my husband. My mother would think something like that is crazy, but you know what? I think it's good to have some things that you keep to yourself, and they're not big things. They're just little things like how he makes me feel some days and things like that. My journal is my therapy, the one thing that helps me counsel myself in my marriage. But I'm okay with that. After all, isn't that what this whole blog is about?
• My Facebook buddies: These are in a separate group from friends because I met some of them when I joined Facebook. Some of my favorite Facebook buddies are part of a group called "Create Write Now." If you love to journal and sometimes suffer from bouts where you don't journal for months, check out this group. The people there are just amazing. Also, if you've always thought about journaling but are afraid or don't know how to start, this is a great place to help you get started. My advice? Just get that pen out, and show that paper who's boss! But that doesn't always work for everyone.
• My writing ability: I love to write. Absolutely love it. When I was younger, I would do something called the Young Writer's Contest. We would compete with our classmates, our peers (other classes in our grade), and with other schools in our area. I believe each grade sent two winners, and they were then sent to compete against the other schools. In kindergarten, second, and third grade, I won first place out of all my classmates and peers. My book was sent out to compete against the other schools, but I honestly couldn't tell you if there was any winning or losing from there. Come on, I was 8 the last time I competed. But yeah, I love to write, and my hope is to become a published author this June. I even blog about it.

So, there you have it. There's my list. What seven things are you grateful for?

Journal Tip #41: Awakenings

Because of copyright laws, etc., I don't want to post the quotes and actual journal tips in my blog. Instead, you can find 100+ free journaling tips from Mari here, and you can buy the same journal I am using here.

There are many things I could say regarding expectations, beliefs, and how they have effected who I am and who I might have become in comparison to who I have become. For one thing, I was raised a Christian. I would like to say that at one point I was that average conservative Christian girl who decided sex was going to be after marriage, babies would be after marriage, etc., etc. It was what my parents expected of me, and it was something I actually expected of myself for a long time. Then I went to college. I did not go to college at the average age of 18. In fact, I started going to college at 16 because I was so smart, my mother--who began to home school me in high school--could not keep up with me and my equally-brilliant sister. She sent us off to the local community college where we just blossomed.

I graduated in 2007 (18 years old) with my Associate's Degree. I "graduated" high school in 2006. (I say "graduated" because I didn't receive my diploma for another year or so.) I moved on to my Bachelor's Degree soon after my Associate's. It began with The Master's College, which is a very conservative Christian college. This is perhaps the first spot I could pinpoint the discovery that I was no longer that conservative Christian girl. Sure, I still had the same idea of sex after marriage, etc., but I was open to other possibilities too. I didn't last very long at this college two hours away from my home. I moved on to California State University of San Bernardino.

My grades began failing from the start. The failing increased when I met my first and only boyfriend in November of 2008. By May of 2009, we were expecting our first baby. Yes, I am completely serious. My parents had higher expectations for me--college first, marriage, baby, etc. Obviously, I had a different, stupider idea in mind. However, I will say this: if I had followed my parents' expectations, would I have fallen for this dorky, gamer boy that I am now married to? Would I have this adorable daughter that everyone falls in love with at first sight? There's no way to know. So, by June of 2009, it was obvious that I would not be returning to CSUSB. I returned to VVC for a time before transferring to University of La Verne in 2010.

No one in my family knew much about University of La Verne. We know no one that has graduated from there, and we were completely unaware that a regional campus was sitting not too far from my home. I applied with the hope that I could quickly finish my teaching degree to give myself, my husband, and my darling daughter a better life. My parents frown upon my idea of being the working mother while my husband stays at home to clean house and care for our daughter. They're terrified of this plan and continually try to talk me out of it. I have stopped talking to them about it altogether out of angry annoyance. I have 3 reasons for really liking my plan: 1) I AM NOT A HOUSE MOM. I HATE CLEANING. 2) Who's better prepared to get a job and make the most money so we can get back on our feet faster? ME. 3) I HATE WELFARE.

So, even though University of La Verne is more expensive, it's likely that I will be graduating from this college in December with my Bachelor's degree. I have an idea to return to CSUSB to do my credentialing, but I am planning to discuss this with a transfer counselor first because I am also thinking about returning to CSUSB for my Bachelor's Degree. My parents and I both like this idea because 1) my mom graduated from CSUSB, 2) it's cheaper meaning more financial aid coming to me to help me pay off the ten billion* credit cards I have (* exaggerated number), and 3) my sister just recently graduated from there in December of 2011 with a psychology degree. However, I do have some cons to this plan to transfer: the classroom size is larger, I take classes with the same students in every class meaning a deeper relationship with my classmates, and my school is only 7 miles away instead of 40.

I'm starting to wonder if I'm letting go of everything that isn't me or just explaining who I am. Because I've already started to let go of everything that isn't me. I'm NOT the conservative Christian girl. I'm NOT the usual house mom. I DIDN'T marry the guy my parents instantly approved of. I DID do things backward. I DO have a weird idea in mind for my future that my parents don't approve of. And I DON'T want to listen to every damn piece of advice my parents have in mind for me.

I can see why I was so drawn to blogging this instead of journaling it. If this were my diary, half of this wouldn't have been written out because my hand would've cramped halfway through this. I am looking forward to continuing this journey. Not even this entry has been fully explored, but I'm afraid at 1:40 am, I must insist that I go to bed.

Introduction to the Blog

First of all, let me say that these journaling tips will not go in order. As Mari states in the introduction to this journal she has created, "My favorite way is to close my eyes and flip through the pages and open to the exact Journaling Tips page that I was supposed to land on!" Well, you know what? That's my favorite way too. So, let me explain how this blog came to be.

Tonight, I was writing my ninth daily journal entry. I had promised myself that if I wrote in my diary for 7 days straight, I would use one of Mari's 85 journaling tips to help boost my journaling. Well, I kind of missed the 7th day mark by two days (I wrote very sparse journal entries those days), but I'm ready to use a journaling tip now! As I was writing about this in my diary, I was struck by the sudden desire to share my responses to these journal entries with the journaling community. As those who know me are well aware--I love to blog. I have had several in my time, and I believe this is the third or fourth that I have started this year alone. Considering we haven't even finished January yet, I would say even I'm surprised with just how much I've been wanting to blog.

Yet, each blog I've started has a specific theme. For example, I have a blog regarding my story-writing as I attempt to trek my way to becoming a published author in June. That's right, June. Check that blog out here if you're interested in supporting me on my journey. Another blog I have is similar to a diary. I have a feeling that I will be deleting that one soon as it is quite personal. This one is also, but it's personal in a different manner.
Anyway, I just wanted to give a quick informational notice to this blog before I begin my journal through Mari's journal that she so kindly sent me. Thanks for stopping by, and I hope you will do so often as I travel through these journal tips once a week.